I am currently writing in the darkness of my room, with a unicorn onesie on.
I got up from my bed in the middle of the night because I got the sudden urge to get all of my feelings out.
Today's topic has been stuck in my head ever since it happened yesterday. It has distracted me from taking finals, and it made me unable to sleep last night. I literally zoned out in the middle of my Latin final, and I felt terrible about it.
Anyways, let's get into what has been annoying me so much.
This happened yesterday in school, during first/second period. Since I have science for both first AND second period, I basically consider it one period.
So on that day, we had to take the Lab portion of our NYS Regents, which is a state-wide test in New York. Ok well, I didn't take it yesterday. I already took it the day before, so yesterday was a different group of people. Since I already finished it, our goal for the entire class was to study for the Written portion of the test, which is coming in a few days. Well... we didn't really do that. But we didn't play either. You'll see.
My friend... let's call her Yuna, decided to continue the little gift we were going to give our teacher. A few weeks prior, we started a little poster, which was basically composed of everything we learned that year. It would have cute doodles, pop-up tabs, and bright colors. We wanted her to hang it on her wall for the whole year after we graduated 9th grade. It was going to be great.
So for the entire first period, we got to work on the poster. We were able to review our year's material at the same time, since our poster had all the units on it. At one point, our substitute teacher came around to our table. We had a sub that day since our teacher was sick with strep throat. Please note that this is NOT the sub I am talking about in the title. He comes up to Yuna and I's table, grinning at our colorful poster. He asks us what we're making, and Yuna answers that we're making a poster for the teacher. He points out the cute things we drew on it, and both of us giggle and comment.
Then second period comes around, we do the pledge, and we're working on the poster again.
Since there are a few different science classes of our level, the other class comes into the room, just finishing their Lab test. They file into the room, sitting on the opposite side of the room as our class. Yuna and I just continue on our poster, not bothering them. Then, THEIR sub comes into the room. THIS class has a sub as well, since their actual teacher is watching the OTHER Lab exam. Now this sub is the one I'm talking about in the title. For this story, let's call her... Ms. Smith. To be quite honest, I don't even know her real name. Ms. Smith might actually be her real name, for all I know.
Let me give you a little prior info about this sub. She is a female, who is relatively young. She's really good friends with my actual teacher, and she comes into the classroom before first period starts on some days. I know this because I usually get to class really early every day.
Since she's young, she likes talking to the "popular" group of kids in my class. They usually gossip together about the typical things girls gossip about, which is honestly kind of weird in my opinion. But it's alright, since I am really big on relationships with teachers.
The beginning of second period goes by just like first period, with Yuna and I working on the poster. Things are slowly coming together, and the two of us gawk at how adorable our drawing is.
All of a sudden, Ms. Smith starts walking around the room, talking to my fellow classmates. Since she hasn't met most of them, except for the "popular" kids, she tries to get to know them. This doesn't really work out that well, since my boyfriend (who is in my class) told me that she was really mean to him when she came around.
Immediately Yuna and I try to cover up our work. The other sub was fine with us making our poster and all, since he's a pretty chill sub. But this one... let's just say both of us were worried that we would be ratted out. Yuna quickly scoops the poster into her binder, and stands up to put back the colored pencils. But as she is standing up... Ms. Smith stops at our table.
"What are you two doing?" she asks, half smiling, but half not. It was weird. It looked fake in my opinion.
Not wanting to completely tell her what we were doing, I say this. And this is what made the entire situation happen:
"Eh... don't worry about it!"
I chuckle a little, Yuna and I both red in the face and mid-movement in trying to clean up. Yuna quickly covers me by telling her that we were working on the poster. Surprisingly, she doesn't mind the poster. But she minds what I said.
"I like her [Yuna's] answer a lot more," she snaps at me, giving me a cold glare. At this point, I'm honestly not aware that she's mad at me, so I just continue to look at Yuna. I look up at her, and she's staring right at me. Then it clicks in my mind that she's mad. And very mad. And I really don't know why. What did I do wrong?
"If you said that to a professor in college, he would kick you out," she says, giving me a sarcastic look. In my mind I'm just thinking, um... alright... is it what I said before?
I immediately get red in the cheeks, nodding. I'm still in shock, unaware of the complete situation. It all seems to move in slow motion. At least thats how I remember it in my mind.
I'm too much in a shock to even say sorry, so I can only nod and get extremely red.
Ms. Smith walks away, and Yuna looks at me as if to say oh my god she is absolutely terrifying!
For the rest of the period, I try to avoid eye contact with her, and I try to not talk weird as I am still in shock.
Then, TODAY rolls around. (The next day. This morning for me).
This morning, I was walking to class, feeling like normal. I step into the classroom early, and thankfully Ms. Smith isn't there.
Then my teacher calls me over to her.
To be quite honest, I totally forgot about the situation at the time, so I thought she was talking to me about my homework or something. I am literally not joking, I didn't even remember.
"The sub told me that you said something really rude to her," she says. Well, she said something similar. I was in shock again and couldn't hear every word. I just knew what she was talking about.
"Oh," I say, getting red again, "Yeah, it just came out. I usually answer like that to my friends, so..."
"That's alright. I understand your type of humor, so I'm fine with it. But she was really pissed off. She's not normally that pissed off, but she was this time".
"Yeah, I understand. I'm really sorry".
"I think the big girl thing to do would be to apologize to her. You don't have to, but I think it would be the best idea".
"Yeah, I'm sorry, I know".
I turn around, praying nobody else heard that.
And that's the end of the scenario.
Honestly, I still don't believe what I said was wrong. Sometimes I think maybe she misheard me, and maybe she thought I said the "S word" instead of "it"... but... idk. I really don't know how to feel. I am literally so guilty right now. I hate myself for saying that... why did I even do it?
Plus, my science teacher was my absolute favorite teacher. I was going to give her the poster with a smile, and I was planning to take her AP class in a few years. But now... I don't even want to go to school tomorrow. Or ever see her ever again.
It's really upsetting how a small situation like that can ruin such an important relationship to you.
Anyway, what's your thoughts? Do you think I was/am wrong? Do you support me? More importantly, how should I feel about this? What should I do?
Thank you for reading this topic that has been killing me for so long.
Eun
I got up from my bed in the middle of the night because I got the sudden urge to get all of my feelings out.
Today's topic has been stuck in my head ever since it happened yesterday. It has distracted me from taking finals, and it made me unable to sleep last night. I literally zoned out in the middle of my Latin final, and I felt terrible about it.
Anyways, let's get into what has been annoying me so much.
This happened yesterday in school, during first/second period. Since I have science for both first AND second period, I basically consider it one period.
So on that day, we had to take the Lab portion of our NYS Regents, which is a state-wide test in New York. Ok well, I didn't take it yesterday. I already took it the day before, so yesterday was a different group of people. Since I already finished it, our goal for the entire class was to study for the Written portion of the test, which is coming in a few days. Well... we didn't really do that. But we didn't play either. You'll see.
My friend... let's call her Yuna, decided to continue the little gift we were going to give our teacher. A few weeks prior, we started a little poster, which was basically composed of everything we learned that year. It would have cute doodles, pop-up tabs, and bright colors. We wanted her to hang it on her wall for the whole year after we graduated 9th grade. It was going to be great.
So for the entire first period, we got to work on the poster. We were able to review our year's material at the same time, since our poster had all the units on it. At one point, our substitute teacher came around to our table. We had a sub that day since our teacher was sick with strep throat. Please note that this is NOT the sub I am talking about in the title. He comes up to Yuna and I's table, grinning at our colorful poster. He asks us what we're making, and Yuna answers that we're making a poster for the teacher. He points out the cute things we drew on it, and both of us giggle and comment.
Then second period comes around, we do the pledge, and we're working on the poster again.
Since there are a few different science classes of our level, the other class comes into the room, just finishing their Lab test. They file into the room, sitting on the opposite side of the room as our class. Yuna and I just continue on our poster, not bothering them. Then, THEIR sub comes into the room. THIS class has a sub as well, since their actual teacher is watching the OTHER Lab exam. Now this sub is the one I'm talking about in the title. For this story, let's call her... Ms. Smith. To be quite honest, I don't even know her real name. Ms. Smith might actually be her real name, for all I know.
Let me give you a little prior info about this sub. She is a female, who is relatively young. She's really good friends with my actual teacher, and she comes into the classroom before first period starts on some days. I know this because I usually get to class really early every day.
Since she's young, she likes talking to the "popular" group of kids in my class. They usually gossip together about the typical things girls gossip about, which is honestly kind of weird in my opinion. But it's alright, since I am really big on relationships with teachers.
The beginning of second period goes by just like first period, with Yuna and I working on the poster. Things are slowly coming together, and the two of us gawk at how adorable our drawing is.
All of a sudden, Ms. Smith starts walking around the room, talking to my fellow classmates. Since she hasn't met most of them, except for the "popular" kids, she tries to get to know them. This doesn't really work out that well, since my boyfriend (who is in my class) told me that she was really mean to him when she came around.
Immediately Yuna and I try to cover up our work. The other sub was fine with us making our poster and all, since he's a pretty chill sub. But this one... let's just say both of us were worried that we would be ratted out. Yuna quickly scoops the poster into her binder, and stands up to put back the colored pencils. But as she is standing up... Ms. Smith stops at our table.
"What are you two doing?" she asks, half smiling, but half not. It was weird. It looked fake in my opinion.
Not wanting to completely tell her what we were doing, I say this. And this is what made the entire situation happen:
"Eh... don't worry about it!"
I chuckle a little, Yuna and I both red in the face and mid-movement in trying to clean up. Yuna quickly covers me by telling her that we were working on the poster. Surprisingly, she doesn't mind the poster. But she minds what I said.
"I like her [Yuna's] answer a lot more," she snaps at me, giving me a cold glare. At this point, I'm honestly not aware that she's mad at me, so I just continue to look at Yuna. I look up at her, and she's staring right at me. Then it clicks in my mind that she's mad. And very mad. And I really don't know why. What did I do wrong?
"If you said that to a professor in college, he would kick you out," she says, giving me a sarcastic look. In my mind I'm just thinking, um... alright... is it what I said before?
I immediately get red in the cheeks, nodding. I'm still in shock, unaware of the complete situation. It all seems to move in slow motion. At least thats how I remember it in my mind.
I'm too much in a shock to even say sorry, so I can only nod and get extremely red.
Ms. Smith walks away, and Yuna looks at me as if to say oh my god she is absolutely terrifying!
For the rest of the period, I try to avoid eye contact with her, and I try to not talk weird as I am still in shock.
Then, TODAY rolls around. (The next day. This morning for me).
This morning, I was walking to class, feeling like normal. I step into the classroom early, and thankfully Ms. Smith isn't there.
Then my teacher calls me over to her.
To be quite honest, I totally forgot about the situation at the time, so I thought she was talking to me about my homework or something. I am literally not joking, I didn't even remember.
"The sub told me that you said something really rude to her," she says. Well, she said something similar. I was in shock again and couldn't hear every word. I just knew what she was talking about.
"Oh," I say, getting red again, "Yeah, it just came out. I usually answer like that to my friends, so..."
"That's alright. I understand your type of humor, so I'm fine with it. But she was really pissed off. She's not normally that pissed off, but she was this time".
"Yeah, I understand. I'm really sorry".
"I think the big girl thing to do would be to apologize to her. You don't have to, but I think it would be the best idea".
"Yeah, I'm sorry, I know".
I turn around, praying nobody else heard that.
And that's the end of the scenario.
Honestly, I still don't believe what I said was wrong. Sometimes I think maybe she misheard me, and maybe she thought I said the "S word" instead of "it"... but... idk. I really don't know how to feel. I am literally so guilty right now. I hate myself for saying that... why did I even do it?
Plus, my science teacher was my absolute favorite teacher. I was going to give her the poster with a smile, and I was planning to take her AP class in a few years. But now... I don't even want to go to school tomorrow. Or ever see her ever again.
It's really upsetting how a small situation like that can ruin such an important relationship to you.
Anyway, what's your thoughts? Do you think I was/am wrong? Do you support me? More importantly, how should I feel about this? What should I do?
Thank you for reading this topic that has been killing me for so long.
Eun
