"I heard you die twice, once when they bury you in the grave
And the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name
So when I leave here on this earth, did I take more than I gave?
Did I look out for the people or did I do it all for fame?"- Glorious By Macklemore
Wow lovelys, I cant believe im truly writing this… I started this post over a month ago, but everytime I delete it, because it's impossible to capture my three years of beautiful and heartwarming memories here into one post. As you probably can tell from the title… I am leaving. There's no easy way to explain this…And the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name
So when I leave here on this earth, did I take more than I gave?
Did I look out for the people or did I do it all for fame?"- Glorious By Macklemore
I started out here on Jan 8th 2016, this was my first account (shared with my brother)… a chance, a place where no one judged me before they even saw me, a place where no one looked at me and assumed i was some spoiled child. I was nobody here, I was shy, and never talked. I just watched the global chat, and followed the /warp tutorial. Somehow, without even ever talking, just watching the funny and kind things people would say to each other in the chat sparked joy in my heart. When Christmas came around, i decided i wanted my own account. That's when i started talking, i wanted to be just like the funny kind people i always saw talking. If i could just make one person smile everyday, i would be happy. It turned into a game to see how many people i could make laugh or smile, and that little game, turned me into the person i am today.
A lot of lovelys who have been with me for a while know about my life outside of this paradise. And i’m just not normal, sometimes i wonder, why me? No one else has to do this. Sometimes you feel so hurt you want to just let go. You put on a smile for the world, but deep down under everything, you are hurting so bad, it’s like a headache and cramp only your dizzy and want to through up all at the same time. But despite how that feels you continue to smile because you know if you dont its only going to hurt more. Sometimes you just want to scream, scream all the things you have buried deep inside, but you can’t because you feel so weak to even move. That’s how i feel everyday, it feels like an endless loop. It feels like it’s never going to stop, like a roller coaster only with no end. You feel like screaming for help, but your going to fast for anyone to hear you. Then suddenly it all stops, you can breathe, your smile isn’t fake for once. For me, that’s McCities, the one highlight of my day, the one thing i look forwards to everyday. It’s my break to breathe after all the crazy sickness of the day. And then as soon as i leave, the roller coaster of dizzy sickness starts up again. That's how it was for a while…
But then reality hit me, hit me hard. After being hurt so many times, turned away, hated for so long… happiness was new to me. My whole journey, i wanted to share with you lovelys. But not everyone has been happy for me… there were a lot of rumors said behind my back. Some about how “fake” i am and how im “not real”. This really truly hurt, not so much what was being said, but the fact people would lie to my face, yet go behind my back and gossip about it. Something i haven't talked about ever on forums is someone spreading rumors about me to sl*t shame me. It's really hurtful because i was really close to the person before, and i used to love them… and they know me well enough to know what to say to hurt me, and they did just that… hurt me with my least favorite word, sl*t. I don't even know why people spread rumors about me, but all i can say is, im human, and i can be hurt.
Now i always say, leave for the right reasons… and i wouldnt consider people spreading rumors about me a big enough reason to leave b/c i get so much love and kindness from everyone everyday <3 But the biggest reason for me is safety and if you didnt already read my post about that --------->https://mccities.com/threads/finally-being-honest-laurel.12752/
I know we have lost a lot of lovelys recently, and i didnt want to just leave all of you. So i decided i would stay 100 more days, until Jan 8… my 3 year mark from my first every account. This isnt the end yet, we still have 100 more beautiful days left together. I still have 100 more days to make all the lovelys smile. <3 So instead of making a post for all my thank you notes… i have been working on shulker boxes with gifts and notes to my closest friends here <3 I’ll give them out over the next 100 days ^-^ Anyways, i hope you guys can support my decision, i tried to make it the best for everyone. I love you lovelys <3 I hope you know that, Dont Forget To Smile!
