Hello everyone,
If you don't know me, I'm Eun, and I'm Mccities' newest staff member!
Today, I realized the real reason why I decided to join staff, or rather the community of this server.
Let me warn you first, this is going to be super deep and emotion-filled, so if you are sensitive, or have experienced something traumatizing, please do not read this. This is something that has affected me for about 5 years now, and I don't want to bring back any negative memories from anyone reading. Thank you.
The real reason I joined the community was because I wanted a community of people that loved me.
See, I don't have many of these people in my life. Well, I guess I do, but I can never really tell.
For years, I've been at odds with my mother. She blames me for everything, doesn't understand my feelings, and believes that everything I do is against her. She constantly plays the victim, putting me in the position where I'm the antagonist. She never addresses the fact that maybe I have some sadness and stress to my life too. Even if I get a good grade, or win an award, or pass a huge test, she'll never be proud of me. She will always tell me that I can get into some community college, and she won't care. [The next sentence will trigger anyone that is suicidal, please do not read if concerned that you will be affected]. The worst thing she has ever done to me is laugh when I told her that I wanted to kill myself. She literally laughed at me and called me a loser. I don't think I've ever heard of a parent that's done that to their child.
This problem has been with me for years now, and it's driven me into depression. I've had moderate depression for about 2-3 years now, and I feel the most safe by myself. I've come to not trust many people with my feelings, and currently only one person on the entire planet knows how I really feel.
There was a point of my life where I would cry every single day of the month, and whenever I didn't cry, it would be extremely unusual. I got to the point where I was numb to all feelings, and all I wanted to do is be alone for the rest of my life.
Then I discovered this community. I realized that this was a small community where I could feel at home, where I could help people to be happy, and satisfied with themselves. I loved to be helpful, and it felt so good to get appreciation for the things that I did. I never got appreciation at home by my parents, and to feel that was so amazing.
I decided to apply for staff, to turn my love for helping people into a job. Now, every time I log on, I'm welcomed by a wave of "welcome back"s, and people telling me that they love me. For the first time in a long time, I feel appreciated. I feel like I have a purpose in my life, other than being a target for anger.
I would like to thank everyone on this server for what they've done for me. I am infinitely thankful for everything you've helped me with. I will be a fantastic staff member, I promise you.
Thank you,
Eun <3
If you don't know me, I'm Eun, and I'm Mccities' newest staff member!
Today, I realized the real reason why I decided to join staff, or rather the community of this server.
Let me warn you first, this is going to be super deep and emotion-filled, so if you are sensitive, or have experienced something traumatizing, please do not read this. This is something that has affected me for about 5 years now, and I don't want to bring back any negative memories from anyone reading. Thank you.
The real reason I joined the community was because I wanted a community of people that loved me.
See, I don't have many of these people in my life. Well, I guess I do, but I can never really tell.
For years, I've been at odds with my mother. She blames me for everything, doesn't understand my feelings, and believes that everything I do is against her. She constantly plays the victim, putting me in the position where I'm the antagonist. She never addresses the fact that maybe I have some sadness and stress to my life too. Even if I get a good grade, or win an award, or pass a huge test, she'll never be proud of me. She will always tell me that I can get into some community college, and she won't care. [The next sentence will trigger anyone that is suicidal, please do not read if concerned that you will be affected]. The worst thing she has ever done to me is laugh when I told her that I wanted to kill myself. She literally laughed at me and called me a loser. I don't think I've ever heard of a parent that's done that to their child.
This problem has been with me for years now, and it's driven me into depression. I've had moderate depression for about 2-3 years now, and I feel the most safe by myself. I've come to not trust many people with my feelings, and currently only one person on the entire planet knows how I really feel.
There was a point of my life where I would cry every single day of the month, and whenever I didn't cry, it would be extremely unusual. I got to the point where I was numb to all feelings, and all I wanted to do is be alone for the rest of my life.
Then I discovered this community. I realized that this was a small community where I could feel at home, where I could help people to be happy, and satisfied with themselves. I loved to be helpful, and it felt so good to get appreciation for the things that I did. I never got appreciation at home by my parents, and to feel that was so amazing.
I decided to apply for staff, to turn my love for helping people into a job. Now, every time I log on, I'm welcomed by a wave of "welcome back"s, and people telling me that they love me. For the first time in a long time, I feel appreciated. I feel like I have a purpose in my life, other than being a target for anger.
I would like to thank everyone on this server for what they've done for me. I am infinitely thankful for everything you've helped me with. I will be a fantastic staff member, I promise you.
Thank you,
Eun <3
